Rasma Says

Musings, deliberations, flashes of unaccounted for brilliance…

This time of year and the heart turns to thoughts of…

… betrayal? Not exactly. Let’s just call it change, personal growth, greener pastures, moving on in life.

My first thought of leaving her came several months ago. Our relationship felt, well, frumpy, drab, unexciting. I felt frumpy, drab and unexciting, and the obvious thing was to blame her. She just didn’t do anything for me any more. I started to compare myself to others who seemed so much more satisfied. Our relationship measured up short. We weren’t communicating. She didn’t really see me anymore. Not for who I was or who I wanted to be. And her limited view of my potential was taking its toll. She was getting in my way. We’d been together a long time anyway. Years. Wasn’t it time for a change? Isn’t change good? Stagnation is a slow death, and we were stagnating. 

I already had my eye on someone new. I had heard about her through a friend, you know the friend of a friend kind of thing. Rumor was she was available too. She sounded like just what I needed, a person who could see me for who I am, see me with fresh eyes, understand me, listen. Best of all, she had time. 

My present relationship was being worn down by issues of stress, never enough time. I would get in touch, needing some support and confirmation, and she would more often than not say she was busy. Maybe she was busy, but what good is a relationship if the other person has so many irons in the fire that she is never able to give you attention when you need it most?

I felt ready to make the big move. Break off the relationship cold turkey. I was going to tell her personally. I owed her that much. I called and asked if we could meet (if not you’ll never see me again, was the implication).

She said Yes, sure come over, when is it a good time?

Hmm, it sounded like she cared. That threw my plan a bit, but made me feel good. So I went over. We talked. She had time, or took the time, and well, I must admit I was quite quickly reminded of how well she understood me. I mean, after all this time, she did really know me better than I had given her credit for. We talked. I felt seen. We understood each other. I began to realize there is a lot to be said about longevity in a relationship. Stagnation is only when assumptions replace communication. And here we were communicating to beat the band. We did have a common vision and goals. When it came down to it, we did see eye to eye.

Without really telling her that I had planned to leave, I decided there was no reason to cast her off for another pie-in-the-sky prospect that may not turn out to be even this good.

I mean, if I left I couldn’t just call in six months time and say I want back in. Here I am. I was wrong to leave. Can we pick up where we left off?

The thought was too humiliating to consider. Besides, she might then find me too changed. Our vision lost. How impulsive and rash I had been to even think of leaving her!

Luckily, I had not been such a coward that I just jumped ship. To my credit, I had called and we worked it out.

I told her I valued her role in my life. We smiled at each other and made plans to meet again before long.

Then I paid her.

I’m talking about my hairdresser of course. 


This entry was posted on 04/08/2010 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , .


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